Feedback loops

It all started with a simple question: "How does this guy find satisfaction with what he's doing?" That's what I asked myself as I witnessed someone I know grind it out, finding reasons to be engaged and attentive in his daily work whenever I see him in spite of what I perceived to be difficult devotion. Could his devotion have been caused out of ignorance of what else lies out there? I have found myself to be agitated knowing how much opportunity cost there is to not pursuing other exciting things, so perhaps his devotion and focus is partly due to forced or natural ignorance of other things.

Stepping back, what is it that keeps me engaged? Do I have a bunch of blind spots as I go about my daily/weekly/monthly/yearly business? Or am I engaged due to sheer necessity, much like the thoughtless but ever critical need to breathe? Or am I even all that engaged??

In my rumination, I then started thinking back to what kept me and my friends engaged as kids. We sure were into video games (or sports, or video games of sports!), often dreaming and planning our time around the opportunity to play them. But to what avail? What was so special about controlling a digital guy to defeat enemies, and to advance to new worlds and rescue princesses, only to shut down the video game and go to sleep?

It then occurred to me that we're all basically just living in the same mode as we were as kids, just with different parameters. The routine of going to school and looking forward (or dreading in some cases) to things has been replaced with the routine of going to work, the gym, or occasional outing. The engagement and dopamine boosts we got from hobbies like video games or hide-and-go-seek have been replaced with newer hobbies, like devoting time toward work and getting paid. The newer hobbies may also not be as overt often times, but they're there. Playing with your kid or reading a book is still something that keeps you busy and engaged, but without any clear goal or "point."

What I realized is that things that add satisfaction to your daily life lie in various feedback loops within the mind. Close that loop, and no matter what you're up to, you will be dissatisfied or even depressed. It's the same reason why someone might be lonely in a crowd of semi-friends, or full of life with one great friend. It's also the same reason that millionaires can be unhappy, or why you might find yourself the most miserable when you're supposed to happiest on paper.

So the million dollar question is, what's your feedback loop in trading? Take a look at what's really keeping you engaged, and you'll perhaps find what keeps you profitable. If taking excessive risks is your thing, do it in another domain and keep trading boring. If it's the challenge of figuring out correlations to the market, stop technical trading and start doing more fundamental-based trades. If it's the engagement caused by a slowly but predictably growing equity curve, focus on one or a few instruments that allow you to devote enough attention to making it happen instead of constantly searching for that mega stock or trade that will make you rich. Now you start to see why there is no simple, universal answer to trading- it can be as varied and unique as what motivates you as an individual on a daily basis.